Waverly: Not every pair of spies can be like Mr. Solo and Mr. Kuryakin.
Napoleon: who wants to share a best friend sundae???
Illya: me! me! i do!
Why did you do such a thing, you mediocre dunces?
— Alexander Waverly (to Illya and Napoleon)
Napoleon: Look! Illya's even wearing his formal leather jacket.
Illya: It's the one without any blood on it.
Napoleon: When have I done anything rash or irresponsible?
Waverly: I keep a list. It’s alphabetized.
Napoleon: That guy wanted to buy you a drink.
Illya: Really? But I already have a drink. Do you think he'd buy me mozzarella sticks?
Napoleon: Just be yourself. Say something nice.
Illya: Which one? I can't do both.
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People always ask me how to pronounce my name, and I always tell them the same thing: how dare you speak to me.
— Illya Kuryakin
Yeah but everyone is in love with me! Like Angelique and Mara took a video of me naked. Pia says she’s in love with me. Satine likes me and now even Miranda Bryant is in love with me! I just wanna be with you ok Illya! Why couldn’t Satan have made me less beautiful?
— Napoleon Solo
Waverly: I have total faith in you.
[Illya and Napoleon leave]
Waverly: There's like a 30% chance they'll both die.
Illya: Yeah, I know turtlenecks are sexy, that's why I got ten. Now arrange these by color.
Napoleon: These are all black.
Illya: Oh are they? Or are they five in a dark black, and five in a slightly darker black?
I’ve lived a disreputable life, but I’ve done it in style.
— Angelique
Napoleon: You shouldn't insult people who are bigger than you.
Illya: Then I'd never get to insult anyone.
On a scale from one to everyone dying, let’s aim for a seven.
— Alexander Waverly
Illya: *gets his shirt wet*
Napoleon: 👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀👌👀 good shit go౦ԁ sHit👌 thats ✔ some good👌👌shit right👌👌th 👌 ere👌👌👌 right✔there ✔✔if i do ƽaү so my self 💯 i say so 💯 thats what im talking about right there right there (chorus: ʳᶦᵍʰᵗ ᵗʰᵉʳᵉ mMMMMᎷМ💯 👌👌 👌НO0ОଠOOOOOОଠଠOoooᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒᵒ👌 👌👌 👌 💯 👌 👀👀 👀 👌👌Good shit
Who hasn’t had gay thoughts?
— Napoleon Solo
I came out here to attack people and honestly, I am having such a good time right now.
— Illya Kuryakin